Highlights from my new hit cooking series: Rollar Toaster of Love- Well, I guess there’s no getting around it so I better just say it- I’m an incredible cook. You’ll find that most of the friendships I have are made and kept by my ability to create edible masterpieces. For those of you who are stumped on bacon, pasta, brownies, and things of that sort- let me give you a hand. Or should I say an oven mitten?          Bagels  I’m assuming you guys have at least SOME cooking experience, so I’m going to start on a little bit of a more challenging level. Bagels are a great meal for those of you who are on the run and have a needy gut. Basically what we’re going to do here is pop these two raw bagels into the toaster. Now, I prefer just standard white bagels, but for those of you that have maybe a special visitor over- I would suggest using maybe blueberry or wheat. And if that doesn’t sweep them off their feet they must be wheat-arded. Once the raw bagels are in the toaster, we’re going to set the heat. Little did you know, your heat dial is also a personality test! If you set your heat anywhere from 1-3 you are afraid to commit, 4-5 means you just did the same setting of whoever used the toaster before you, and 6-8 means you want attention for how nuked your bagel is going to be. Once you make your choice, you bring the toaster oven close enough for you to look down at, count backwards from ten over and over again slowly. The purpose of this is to make it come out when you get to one. One minor flaw in this game though, the bagel receives information in the toaster to come out on any number except one. Causing you to blink a lot when it pops up because it scares the crap out of you. I don’t understand why I jump EVERY time it comes out. It’s not like I don’t anticipate it. It’s the same as saying “NO WAY” every time you see Star Wars episode VI when Darth Vader reveals that he is indeed Luke Skywalker’s father. Anyways, Once the bagel is baked and on a plate, it’s time to get creative. Get everything out of your fridge. Everything. I mean, we’re talking butter, jam, bu- actually just butter and jam. Did you know that the type of jam you use is also a personality test?! If you choose grape, like myself, it may mean that you enjoy the dark features of the bottle and there’s something about the words EZ-SKWEEZ that gets your taste buds a-truckin’. Also, you’re deep and introspective and can anticipate a death in your family by the time you reach 30. If you choose peach, you’re obligated to tell everyone that looks at it “Seriously it’s like the best jam ever. My Aunt made it and it’s so much better than it looks.” If you choose strawberry there’s a 90% chance that you also toasted your bagel at 6-8. After you’ve chosen your jam, go ahead and take a seat and enjoy. And while you’re at it- go ahead and hate yourself for getting your finger’s sticky because you touched the wrong part of the knife, and then managed to touch bread crumbs. This has been Tyler with Roller Toaster of Love. It’s chefinitely been a pleasure to work with you today.

Highlights from my new hit cooking series: Rollar Toaster of Love-

Well, I guess there’s no getting around it so I better just say it- I’m an incredible cook. You’ll find that most of the friendships I have are made and kept by my ability to create edible masterpieces. For those of you who are stumped on bacon, pasta, brownies, and things of that sort- let me give you a hand. Or should I say an oven mitten?

         Bagels 

I’m assuming you guys have at least SOME cooking experience, so I’m going to start on a little bit of a more challenging level. Bagels are a great meal for those of you who are on the run and have a needy gut. Basically what we’re going to do here is pop these two raw bagels into the toaster. Now, I prefer just standard white bagels, but for those of you that have maybe a special visitor over- I would suggest using maybe blueberry or wheat. And if that doesn’t sweep them off their feet they must be wheat-arded. Once the raw bagels are in the toaster, we’re going to set the heat. Little did you know, your heat dial is also a personality test! If you set your heat anywhere from 1-3 you are afraid to commit, 4-5 means you just did the same setting of whoever used the toaster before you, and 6-8 means you want attention for how nuked your bagel is going to be. Once you make your choice, you bring the toaster oven close enough for you to look down at, count backwards from ten over and over again slowly. The purpose of this is to make it come out when you get to one. One minor flaw in this game though, the bagel receives information in the toaster to come out on any number except one. Causing you to blink a lot when it pops up because it scares the crap out of you. I don’t understand why I jump EVERY time it comes out. It’s not like I don’t anticipate it. It’s the same as saying “NO WAY” every time you see Star Wars episode VI when Darth Vader reveals that he is indeed Luke Skywalker’s father. Anyways, Once the bagel is baked and on a plate, it’s time to get creative. Get everything out of your fridge. Everything. I mean, we’re talking butter, jam, bu- actually just butter and jam. Did you know that the type of jam you use is also a personality test?! If you choose grape, like myself, it may mean that you enjoy the dark features of the bottle and there’s something about the words EZ-SKWEEZ that gets your taste buds a-truckin’. Also, you’re deep and introspective and can anticipate a death in your family by the time you reach 30. If you choose peach, you’re obligated to tell everyone that looks at it “Seriously it’s like the best jam ever. My Aunt made it and it’s so much better than it looks.” If you choose strawberry there’s a 90% chance that you also toasted your bagel at 6-8. After you’ve chosen your jam, go ahead and take a seat and enjoy. And while you’re at it- go ahead and hate yourself for getting your finger’s sticky because you touched the wrong part of the knife, and then managed to touch bread crumbs.

This has been Tyler with Roller Toaster of Love. It’s chefinitely been a pleasure to work with you today.